Posted By John
Red-back on the Toilet Seat

By Ralph Ernest ‘Slim’ Newton

See it on You TubeRed-back on the Toilet Seat
sung by Slim Newton on

Australian Red-back Spider

Slim Newton won the Golden Guitar at the very first Country Music Awards of Australia in 1973

The man bitten in this song was bitten by a female red-back. The male does not bite. I won’t comment on this, but I know what you’re thinking!

The red-back spider (Latrodectus hasseltii) one of Australia’s most venomous spiders. It’s found across Australia including Tasmania and is often found in outdoor dunnys, letter boxes, under logs and rocks and other dark areas. The red-back spider is most active at dusk and during the night.

Since the poison attacks the nervous system, it only takes a small amount of venom to cause serious illness. The red-back spider’s painful bite can be fatal, especially to the young and elderly. An effective anti-venom was developed in 1956 and you should seek medical help immediately if bitten.

There was a red-back on the toilet seat
When I was there last night,
I didn’t see him in the dark,
But boy! I felt his bite!
I jumped high up into the air,
And when I hit the ground,
That crafty red-back spider
Wasn’t nowhere to be found.

There was a red-back on the toilet seat
When I was there last night,
I didn’t see him in the dark,
But boy! I felt his bite!
And now I’m ere in hospital,
A sad and sorry plight,
And I curse the red-back spider
On the toilet seat last night.

Rushed in to the missus,
Told her just where I’d been bit,
She grabbed the cut-throat razor blade,
And I nearly took a fit.
I said “Just forget what’s on your mind,
And call a doctor please,
‘Cause I’ve got a feeling that your cure
Is worse than the disease.”

There was a red-back on the toilet seat
When I was there last night,
I didn’t see him in the dark,
But boy! I felt his bite!
And now I’m ere in hospital,
A sad and sorry plight,
And I curse the red-back spider
On the toilet seat last night.

I can’t lay down, I can’t sit up,
And I don’t know what to do,
And all the nurses think it’s funny,
But that’s not my point of view.
I tell you it’s embarrassing,
(And that’s to say the least)
That I’m too sick to eat a bite,
While that spider had a feast!

There was a red-back on the toilet seat
When I was there last night,
I didn’t see him in the dark,
But boy! I felt his bite!
And now I’m ere in hospital,
A sad and sorry plight,
And I curse the red-back spider
On the toilet seat last night.

And when I get back home again,
I tell you what I’ll do,
I’ll make that red-back suffer
For the pain I’m going through.
I’ve had so many needles
That I’m looking like a sieve,
And I promise you that spider
Hasn’t very long to live!

There was a red-back on the toilet seat
When I was there last night,
I didn’t see him in the dark,
But boy! I felt his bite!
And now I’m ere in hospital,
A sad and sorry plight,
And I curse the red-back spider
On the toilet seat last night.

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